Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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