check it out our google latitudes are spooning
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
