Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize