I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
