I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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