There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
