where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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