So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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