So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Is Oprah even human
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
