btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Duck Duck Cougar?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
