You just made me feel so damn special
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
