It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
