Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
