this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
