the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
you had me at cake vodka
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My bed smells like the plague
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
