YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
