just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
