In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
