Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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