your parents love me but you hate me
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I think my moral compass just broke
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