In the future we'll all be gay
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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