If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize