I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
