i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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