Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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