and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
