I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
