I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Randomize
