i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
