Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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