I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I could fuck to npr.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
