physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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