need another drink. this is the easiest way
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
