now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
