youre lurking in front of me
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
