I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
