garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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