Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
