How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
