Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
