So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
