And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
