You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
