she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
