So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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