think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
