They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
