If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
