Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
