And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
