I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
