***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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