Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
