I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
