the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
