'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
