The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
