dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
