I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
