I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
