Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
