no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
false alarm, still single
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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