It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
