Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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