I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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