All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
