Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
