Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
