there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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