i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
