And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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