I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
