I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
