you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
