the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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