I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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