I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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