On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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