I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
