Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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