Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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