I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
