Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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