He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
