I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Randomize
