you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
