Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
