We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
they need to just BURY HIM!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize