guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
