1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
not ubering you a puppy
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
