she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
