Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
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