he wants to bone in the snuggie
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Randomize
