On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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