Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
