I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
