The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
