Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
