he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
