part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
