Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
