I need help removing her.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
