i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
