his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
