I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
