ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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